Incendiary have a quick chinwag with Frank Sidebottom. And I mean quick.
IN: Frank, we're honoured you want to be interviewed!
Hello, fantastic Richard!
IN: Now then Frank, what do you make of Altrincham FC having Ricky Ponting as a shareholder?
FS: .....I'm thinking of selling shares in little Frank... and then floating him..................in the bath.
IN: And what's happening at ManchesterCity? Do you think there's enough money to bring Billy Meredith back from the dead?
FS: It wouldn't surprise me with the money they have now.... (Billy was ace!)
IN: On a similar theme, what pastry based meat product do you favour?
FS: Twiglets are my fave.... Does that count???
IN: How do you unwind after a long day entertaining people Frank?
FS: I play with my minic motorway or Subbuteo!
IN: Do you think Subbuteo just isn't the same anymore?
FS: They were flat players on sheets in the 50's (i have some of them off ebay), but the best weighted ones for flicking round players are the heavy-weight 60's and 70's ones..... (The zombie ones are quite good too).
IN: Frank, you've been the host to the stars on many occasions. Can you give us a glimpse as to what it's like rubbing shoulders with the Great and the Good?
FS: My mum's told me never to actually rub!!! You don't know what you'll catch !
IN: I particularly remember you hosting a programme in Liverpool sometime in 1990, with Echo & the Bunnymen. Did you give them any tips?
FS: No.... but somebody pinched my Twiglets !!!!
IN: I had a mate from Accrington who wouldn't go on holiday without a couple of boxes of Kellogs cornflakes. Do you have any similar tips for those bent on foreign travel?
FS: ....erm..... Twiglets !
IN: Frank, what do you think of the current economic climate?
FS: I'm thinking of launching a new chocolate bar called "credit crunch"....
It would have 20p's in it (like Christmas puddings) so the buyer also benefits not just from the yummy bar,.... but financially too !
IN: And how can we get back a state of credibility and integrity in the independent music scene?
FS: I think you'll need a Tardis for that...
.....you know you will...
......you really will!!!
Words: Richard Foster